Okay, so I’ve written a few blog posts on how husbands can be jerks and how to leave them.
I’ve had personal experience with this — unfortunately.
It seems silly to write a post about how to know your husband is awesome. You either know your husband is awesome, or you know he’s a jerk.
Sometimes your husband can be just “meh.”
I don’t think men should be constantly praised for things they SHOULD be doing. Like you know — being nice. I find it a bit grating when I read on Facebook the following:
My hubby is so awesome! He babysat the kids today so I could go to my doctors appointment and pick up some groceries!
Uh. Isn’t that what he SHOULD be doing? Also, a man taking care of his own children is not called “babysitting.”
But after writing a post about how crappy men can be, I must write about how awesome they can be. After all, I love men and I am married to one. I mean the man’s my best friend for Christ’s sake.
This post isn’t meant to be braggy (okay, maybe a little.) It’s a little self-reminder of how good I have it, and how every woman deserves to have the same kind of respect. After reading some of the comments and the emails I’ve been getting, I felt it was necessary to share the amazing points of a good marriage. I’ve found that so many women second-guess their own feelings about their bad marriages. The pervading thought of these women (which may include you) is, “Well he DOES have SOME good qualities — even if he calls me a bitch.”
Let me tell you what a good marriage IS.
First of all. My husband’s name is Ernesto. And he’s the shit. See the awesome pic below.
1. He encourages me to have time for myself.
He sees that I’m tired and tells me to lie down, read a book, watch TV, take a nap — you name it. The man will tell me to rest and say, “Babe, don’t worry. I’ll clean the kitchen and do the laundry. Just relax.” He understands that the household work is 50/50. It doesn’t matter that he works more hours — he knows this is a team effort. On top of that, he WANTS me to have my own hobbies — to have my downtime. He encourages me to write, draw, read, etc.
Mainly — he wants me to be happy. If he see’s me getting a little wound up, he encourages me to take a nice long walk.
Okay, so maybe he encourages the walks so I’ll leave him alone and stop my bitching (I’m pregnant and hormonal), but hey — at least he wants me to get some fresh air!
2. He listens. He asks questions. He talks.
He fucking communicates.
We could literally talk for hours. One of our favorite pastimes is drinking wine and listening to music while playing Backgammon (this is us being wild and crazy, yo) — this scenario also includes a constant stream of conversation. We have endless things that we like to do together (unfortunately right now — for me — it’s just lying on the couch and watching TV because I’m pregnant and totes uncomfortable.)
3. The man doesn’t “babysit.”
No. The man actually takes care of his kids. He took on the fatherhood role when he came into my children’s life (my first two kids were from my ex) and then he enthusiastically took on the responsibility of raising our newborn together.
The newborn phase especially tested our patience with each other, but Ernesto never wavered in his commitment to do this parenting thing 50/50. He stayed awake at night bouncing a colicky baby, he assisted with feedings, he changed a million explosively shitty diapers — he was basically doing his job as a co-parent.
And just as another reminder. This is all shit that men should be doing. I’ve never taken it upon myself to constantly thank and praise him for all these things. All of these things are expected of him — and he in turn expects these things from me. It’s called parenting and marriage. But with that said, it’s nice to acknowledge all the wonderful things about my husband.
He’s just truly, an amazing, wonderful person.
I now must go as my kids just popped in the door from school. I have to pay attention to them, you know.
But you get the gist of it.
Everybody deserves a loving, equal partner. Nobody should short-change themselves. Some marriages/partnerships divide the duties differently, but as long as you feel loved, respected and in love with your partner, then I think you’re set. Just make sure you’re doing all the same for him.